Christmas Upon a Magical Island
Santa Goldblatt carrying his Reindeer
Professor Joe Goldblatt
Once upon a time … there was a magical island upon which my wife and I found joy, happiness, peace, and serenity. We sailed there upon an 50 year old rusty tub of a ferry boat that had long since given its best days of service. As the island approached below the black inky sky with sparkling lights we felt a moment of wonder and warmth. I wondered if this magical feeling is what another Jewish family experienced when they were seeking shelter two thousand years ago?
On Christmas eve we arrived at a local posh restaurant promptly at 7pm for our dinner date with friends. Upon entering the owner with the same sparkling eyes of old Saint Nicklaus welcomed us and then said “I am very sorry but we have no gas. It is due in the next thirty minutes.”
I wondered if we would be fed at all as we settled into our corner table and began to enjoy the libations of cocktails, an Old Fashioned for me, and white wine for my lady friends. A few minutes later as we became increasingly giddy from the strong drinks, I stumbled to the bar and asked if we could have some bread and butter. The kindly Saint Nick smiled broadly and said “I have gas!” I replied, “So do I!”
Seconds later our orders were received from our jovial server and the first of three Christmas miracles had taken place on our magical island.
The next day I perused the Christmas menu and selected ham as my main dish. The server then asked “Sir, are you aware this is a vegan ham?”
Vegan ham. Hmmmm. I had not heard of this concoction and wondered if it was made with tofu or some other exotic ingredient. She replied, with tongue in cheek, “No sir. It actually tastes like fried Spam.”
I immediately ordered fried pork belly and hoped that it was not another vegan substitution.
Our two meals were delicious and despite the challenges and surprises the real pleasure came not just from our plates but from those around us including the fellow guests from all over the world who had come to celebrate Christmas on this magic island.
One woman with a wisened look stopped by my seat as she was departing the restaurant and placing her hand on my shoulder said “Sonny, I know some people here think you are crazy because of all the funny Christmas costumes you wear.” Then she paused for dramatic effect, rolled her big brown eyes and added “Well, I think you and your costumes are wonderful and I look forward to them every year.”
My friends, my wife, and I decided that we needed an adventure further afield the next day and so we drove to a distillery at the far end of the magical island. Our two dogs required a break after the longish ride and they immediately found a patch of grass directly in front of the distillery. Before they could lift a leg a grumpy man burst through the front doors of the distillery and said “You can’t go there! Read the sign!”
We then noticed a sign that restricted access to the pavement next to the building but did not seem to prohibit use of the front garden. We shrugged our shoulders and decided to have a peek inside the gift shop. As I entered the front door a pleasant enough young man asked me if I wished to spin his wheel of fortune. I studied the prizes I could win and became more interested when one announced “Whisky!”
After my spin the young gentleman said “Congratulations! You have won a sticker!” Indeed, I had won a sticker with the name of the distillery imprinted. When I asked him why he had not presented me with a dram, a miniature bottle, a regular bottle, or a barrel of whisky he frowned and said handing me the sticker “One spin per person.”
Just as we were about to be shocked at the exorbitant prices for whisky and stuffed peaty toys in the gift shop one of our friends burst through the front doors and announced “Leave the building! Bad customer service!” I soon learned that the man who had admonished us for not properly reading his misplaced sign had actually now told us to leave the premises.
Therefore, even upon a magical island there can be pirates, villains, and other evil characters who try to ruin your experience. They would not be successful because a true hero would soon appear upon our door step.
When we returned to the mainland late in the evening we heard a high pitched constant squealing sound coming from the roof of the garage. I used a torch (flashlight) to investigate and could not locate the source of the noise. I rang the Scottish Gas 24 hour emergency line and was told by a calm and kind gentleman that a gas technician would be with me in about one hour.
I did not expect, less than one hour later, that a tall, handsome, friendly young gas technician would be standing upon our door step. He immediately heard the same squealing sound and bravely entered the garage to investigate. Using his more powerful head torch he carefully examined the garage and soon focused upon a small white plastic box affixed to the wall.
He immediately removed the box and announced that he would now need to return to his van to perform an ’emergency permanent technical disablement’ of the carbon monoxide alarm that he suspected was the cause of the unrelenting and very annoying sound.
A few seconds later we heard very loud banging, clanging, and smashing sounds as the van began rocking from side to side. The young man emerged and said “Just as I thought, your alarm had a fault and I have now permanently disabled it.”
I fully did not expect, during Christmas week, for a tall, handsome, professional young gentleman to rescue us from our noise and fear of a gas leak less than one hour after I called for help. However, there he was, our super hero who lifted the garage door and confidently walked in to investigate our mysterious screeching sound. Within seconds he removed a carbon monoxide detector from the wall and announced “I must take this into my van to technically disable it.”
This Christmas I learned that the real magic of this festive season is not only found on an island or even in a garage. The real magic is present in the people you meet who prepare your meals, pour your drinks, offer gentle praise, and at almost the stroke of midnight use their engineering skills to silence an alarm so that you may enjoy, as the old poem promises, a “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”
Professor Joe Goldblatt is Emeritus Professor of Planned Events at Queen Margaret University. His views are his own. To learn more about his views visit www.joegoldblatt.scot