When Times are Tough, Heal Yourself By Helping Others

Professor Joe Goldblatt

“Funny, I started helping others and soon felt better myself.”  These magic words originated with the master of twentieth century motivational writing, the ubiquitous author and teacher Dale Carnegie.  Although to my knowledge he was not directly related to Scotland’s legendary philanthropist Andrew Carnegie he created through his philosophy something even greater than material riches.

The United Kingdom Prime Minister Keir Starmer recently announced a refresh in the ethos of the National Health Service. He vowed to look into ways to prevent illness to reduce demand upon our already too far stretched health care system. Perhaps one solution may be to start prescribing volunteering as an prevention strategy for physical pain and mental depression.

The other day a close friend told me that he had recently retired after thirty years of professional work.    He then confessed that he was now looking for ways to be of service to others following his long career.

I explained that when I retired six years ago I had faced a similar challenge.  In Edinburgh alone there are over 3000 third sector organisations who benefit from and often reply upon volunteer talent.  So, where to begin the search?

I advised my friend to start with asking himself what mattered most to him because his future reward would be from making an uncompensated contribution to the future of human society.  He thought about this for a moment and then said that he had dabbled in helping others through designing programmes that would impact areas of deprivation in our city.

We know that over 25 percent of our children in Edinburgh live below the poverty level so there is no shortage of opportunity to help folk who for a wide variety of reasons are struggling financially, physically, and spiritually.  But the question is still, where to begin the journey toward helping others.

While friends, family, teachers, and clergy may offer giid advice, I have discovered that when it comes to helping others there is an even greater power in our city, or if you will, a north star for future volunteers.

Volunteer Edinburgh this year is celebrating its twenty – fifth anniversary of advising citizens who wish to give back to their city as well as voluntary organisations that are seeking the perhaps best human perfect fit for their needs.

Then I told my friend about how Dale Carnegie was once approached at a meeting by a woman who seemed extremely depressed.  He asked her to sit down and chat with him.  He soon concluded that she suffered from a wide range of physical and mental health problems and that her long term marriage was coming to an end because her husband had found someone else who he said he loved even more.

Carnegie listened intently, showed great empathy with each complaint and concern and then said “I have an idea for you.”  The woman looked suspicious and indignantly moved her chair slightly away from his.

The master motivator leaned forward and whispered “I know someone who is in big trouble.  She could really use your friendship, kindness, and advice.  May I introduce you to her?”

Hesitantly, the very troubled woman agreed and Carnegie arranged a meeting over coffee to introduce them to one another.  Within a few minutes the woman who first asked Carnegie for help was starting to offer advice to her new friend and also relax and even slightly smiling. As she listened to the other woman she learned that her new friend was suffering from terminal cancer and that she was displaying unusual courage and positivity despite her grim prognosis.

A few weeks later Dale Carnegie received a letter of appreciation from the woman who was formerly deeply depressed. She explained that by helping someone else she actually helped herself because for the first time she felt useful and needed.

Perhaps it is possible to heal yourself by helping others. I once asked a doctor who was a pain specialist how he helped patients with chronic pain and for whom pain medicine and other therapies had failed. “I tell them to distract themselves by doing something useful and positive.” Carnegie must have gone to the same medical school!

And that is why I directed my friend to Volunteer Edinburgh. I am convinced that helping others is the very best way to help yourself and to live a fulfilling life. The playwright George Bernard Shaw wrote these lines in his play Man and Superman ” …

“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” I believe that organisations such as Volunteer Edinburgh help us hold that torch even higher to insure we continue to heal ourselves whilst healing others. And sometimes others may see our torch raised high and follow us to volunteer themselves. Professor Joe Goldblatt is Emeritus Professor of Planned Events at Queen Margaret University and Chair of Volunteer Edinburgh. His views are his own.